Appreciating Change: How to Support Someone with Hoarding Tendencies

When we hear the word hoarding, most of us picture stacks of newspapers, overflowing rooms, or cluttered homes. But at its core, hoarding isn’t about “messiness”—it’s about holding onto things for deeper emotional reasons. And because of that, change doesn’t come easily.

If someone you care about struggles with hoarding tendencies, your support can make all the difference.

Understanding Hoarding with Compassion

Hoarding is often tied to strong emotions like anxiety, grief, or fear of loss. Items may feel like security, memory-holders, or symbols of safety. What might look like “junk” to you can feel invaluable to someone else.

That’s why change in this area can be incredibly difficult—it often stirs up deep discomfort, fear, and even shame. Appreciating the courage it takes for someone with hoarding tendencies to face change is the first step in supporting them.

Why Change Feels Overwhelming

• Loss of control: Letting go of items can feel like losing a piece of identity or history.

• Fear of regret: “What if I need this later?” keeps things in place.

• Emotional attachment: Objects may be linked to loved ones, memories, or even a sense of safety.

• Stigma: Shame and embarrassment often keep people isolated, making change harder.

How You Can Support with Care

1. Lead with empathy, not judgment. Avoid shaming language like “just throw it away” or “you don’t need all this.” Instead, acknowledge the challenge: “I know this feels hard, and I’m here with you.”

2. Start small. Encourage manageable steps—like sorting one drawer, one shelf, or one category—rather than tackling everything at once.

3. Focus on safety and comfort. Sometimes the first priority isn’t decluttering but creating a safe space to live and breathe.

4. Respect autonomy. Let them be a part of the decision-making. Change that feels forced rarely lasts.

5. Celebrate progress. Even small wins deserve recognition—like donating a single bag or clearing a walkway.

6. Encourage professional help. Hoarding often requires more than well-meaning support. Counseling can address the underlying emotions, and professional organizers or specialized programs can provide structure.

   
   

Appreciating Change in This Journey

Change for someone with hoarding tendencies isn’t about a spotless house overnight—it’s about appreciating the courage it takes to let go little by little. Each step forward, no matter how small, is growth.

And remember: your role isn’t to “fix” them—it’s to walk alongside, encourage, and support their journey toward healthier habits and spaces.