Tis the season for elections; where you can’t listen to the radio, drive down the street, go through the mail, or watch your favorite program without an advertisement for a candidate. It can be difficult to manage getting together with friends or family if people have strong differing views or become too focused on inserting politics in every conversation. Some people who are tired of the disagreements are ending friendships or avoiding family gatherings to prevent confrontations with loved ones. This approach, although it feels good in the moment, hurts in the long term as it leads to loss and isolation. There is a way to continue the relationships with those you love even though you have differing views on the subjects. Here’s some tips on how to navigate difficult conversations in relationships:
Remember why you enjoyed spending time with your friends and family to begin with. We become friends with people because they make us feel good and typically we have similar interests. Talk with your friends or family about some boundaries regarding conversations on politics and focus more on the topics that brought you together from the start. It’s OK to suggest that politics are off the table for a gathering. Until people are used to the no politics boundary, suggest an activity to keep people’s minds occupied and conversation more focused.
Politics does not have to be an identity. We all have opinions on a wide variety of issues and topics, but it doesn’t have to become who we are. Do you want to be remembered as a member of a particular political party or as someone who is loyal, compassionate, caring, trustworthy, and dependable? If we see someone in need, we don’t ask what political views they have before helping, we see them as a fellow human in need. Be and see the human side, not the political party.
Don’t try to change someone’s mind. Just as strongly as you hold your beliefs, your friends and family hold theirs. Trying to change someone’s mind gives the impression that you are right and they are wrong, which leads a person to feel they need to defend their views. It’s difficult to get to a point of respectful resolution when both parties are firm in their beliefs and there is no compromise. It’s OK to tell your loved one that you have to agree to disagree on certain points and move on with a different topic of conversation.
Find the common ground. There’s typically a source of common ground with any issue. You may have to get creative, but I encourage you find the common ground. Focus your conversation on where you agree rather than those sticking points of where you disagree. You could challenge your loved one to find points of agreement rather than disagreement.
Ask questions to understand. Instead of not listening because you’re thinking up your rebuttal, ask questions to seek understanding on your loved one’s views. Approach the conversation with curiosity rather than defensiveness. Encourage them to share with you what brought them to that belief or why that issue is very important to them. We find areas to compromise or diffuse anger when we are able to see the situation from another person’s point of view. You may not agree, but you will have a better understanding of why they feel so passionate about those ideas.
Once the ads and signs retire until the next voting cycle, politics does not have to be a part of every interaction with your loved ones. Make sure you express to them how important they are in your life and you love them for who they are as a person, not who they voted for. The politicians will continue to do what they do, regardless of if your friendships and families are intact. Don’t give them the power to affect your personal life when your relationships do not affect theirs.
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